Limitless

When I found out my baby would have Down syndrome, I assumed that she wouldn't be able to do many things. Boy, was I wrong!

Back in December we sat Jordan Grace in a little potty and she successfully completed the mission. 

Last week I bought her her own little potty and she began the process at home very successfully!

There are no limits on what can be accomplished in this house, we shall remain limitless and see how far and how high we can fly! 

Welcome February

This month is filled with celebrations of love.

It's so hard to believe our baby girl will be two years old. It's like we've lived our whole lives loving her! Our big girl has truly been so amazing. They adore each other and are in awe of one another. Sometimes Ana Maria forgets she's eight and tries to be her mama, but Jordan Grace is quick to show her she's not. 

Each day brings new adventures in our house of play and learn. We learn as we go and we play hard. 

Our love story continues...

Model Baby

The world is filled with opportunities and teachable moments. A friend of mine needed a little volunteer to model a baby wrap on a local morning live show. As a former model, I was quick to jump at this wonderful opportunity for Jordan Grace. After all, I wanted the whole world to see my precious baby girl the way we saw her, simply beautiful in her own way! 

Jordan Grace was a little professional. She did her job and posed for the cameras around us. It was a great experience to share with my mini me. 

The funniest part is that I didn't tell many people we would be on TV. As it aired I was getting messages and texts saying how wonderful she did. Maybe she has a future in the business.

What I would like to see in daily advertising is people with all abilities.  A world of equality and acceptance. 

We were treated with respect and as equals. I have to thank my friend Erin Heard for giving us a chance for such an amazing experience. It's people like her who without judgment accepts everyone with their unique abilities. 

In the end, we are all in this together, for better or worse. Let us open our hearts today and welcome all into our circle, when we learn to accept and acknowledge maybe that's when our circle will become the kind world we are all seeking. 

Happy National Hug day!!

When I think about all those people who asked me if I was sure I didn't want to terminate my pregnancy, I think of all those mothers who did. 

Sadness takes over my whole heart which overflows with incredible love for my girls.  One thing I cannot imagine is life without my Ana Maria or my Jordan Grace. They truly are my world! 

I have a new goal in life and that's to be an advocate and a voice for these beautiful unborn children. 

If I can save one life, one precious soul, one love, I have done my job as a human being. 

So please, if you know anyone who has been given a diagnosis of Down Syndrome send them my way. I would love the opportunity to show the world what life is like.

Simply put: filled with love, smiles, normalcy, adventures, patience, slow and fast and everything in between.

Surgery Day

This cute bear doesn't have the same image in my head.  I remember that August day in 2014 like it was yesterday.  I have tried really hard to forget it. Hands down one of the worst days of my life! 

The prior days leading to this life changing event, were filled with ECGs, echos, cardiology consultations, and a tour of the NICU. Seeing all those sweet babies with tubes coming out of many places was enough to take my breath away and beg God for a miracle. 

I'm the weakest of the weak when it comes to courage and strength. I thought I may fall apart right then and there and never get back together as a whole human being. 

I thought, how can this secret life exist? And how can some people go about their days and some lives, without ever seeing this sight of these precious little angels. 

I was afraid to hand our baby girl over to the nurse, the fact was, I didn't know where my faith stood at that time, I wasn't sure I would get her back in my arms that day.  That's the honest and raw truth. 

I've been religious all my life, I can probably count with one hand the times I have missed Sunday Mass.  Born and raised Catholic, I have always believed and trusted in our Lord. I have never doubted Him, I have always felt Him with me, I have always prayed and taught my daughter to pray.

On this day however, I think I lost my faith for a minute.  I was scared, and as I write this with tears in my eyes, I am ashamed that I ever doubted Him, that I didn't trust that He would help in the healing that had to take place in my daughter's precious heart. 

The hours she was in surgery seemed like days, my heart felt heavy, it was hard to hold my tears.  Other parents were making conversation with stories about their children and all I could think about was mine.  My beautiful Jordan Grace and how unfair it was that a surgeon had to open up her heart and fix it.  As a mother I kept asking God why this innocent baby girl, why not me? 

Her sweet short 6 months played in my mind as we waited and waited.  She seemed fine, I couldn't believe she still needed surgery, I believed wholeheartedly that she would be cured miraculously, especially since she never showed any signs of stress like "they" said.  "They" being all the doctors we had seen in the past year.

One thing I was sure of was how strong my Jordan Grace was, stronger than me! On this trying day, she not only became my hero, but my strength. She showed us what courage and faith truly look like. 

Our sweet angel recovered fast and without too much complaint. The first couple days all she wanted was mama day and night. I was afraid to hurt my little one. I was careful in holding her the right way as we would fall asleep for hours at a time. 

When I saw stories of babies having surgery, I always thought how can a parent handle that. Well, we get through it but I don't think we ever get over it. It's a speed bump I've been trying to work through my writing. 

There's healing in writing for me. But I have been avoiding this post because I had to dig deep into my feelings file. 

There's a song by the great Linkin Park, only my favorite band in the world, called Final Mascarade, there's a line that sticks to me close "the scars begin to fade" I had this song on repeat for the next six months watching my baby's red, long scar on her chest literally begin to fade. 

My faith restored and renewed I can now breathe with relief, this chapter in our lives has been written and read. 

12 beautiful months

The first 12 months of living with Down Syndrome looked like this, filled with smiles! 

Lots of love and caring, lots of visitors and milestones. Lots of hugs and holding. Lots of milk and eating. 

And one challenge, yes, only one for us for her first year. Open heart surgery. 

To be honest, I thought it would be a daily challenge to have a little one with Down Syndrome. I know, very judgmental and assuming of me! 

But truly, everyday life our first year was very "normal" for us, except for the whole heart surgery episode of course.