I Wish We Were All Color Blind

I vividly remember the first time I explained to Ana Maria that people had different color of skin. She had come home so excited to let me know that there was a new student in her class and that she had made friends with her so that she wouldn’t be alone at recess. This is the kind of girl my first born is. She’s the kind of girl who accepts and loves everyone, equally, no matter what. Sometimes we tease her and ask her who she loves more, mommy or daddy. She always gets uncomfortable and says she loves us both the same. 

When I asked her what her new friend was like, she immediately said “she’s very nice,” I kept asking questions like did she move from somewhere else in the city or is she from another city? She said she was from another country but couldn’t remember which one. I then naively asked her what she looked like. She said “I don’t know.”  She didn’t seem to have any idea how to begin to describe her. Somehow she finally said she looked like another friend, who is African American. 

So I asked her “is her skin black” and she looked at me puzzled, she then said “I don’t know!” So I went on to ask her if her friend’s skin was darker than mine and hers, she kind of closed her eyes to remember what she looked like and she said “yes” almost like a light went on in her little head. I then realized that we had never spoken to her about differences of people’s skin. 

We had mentioned how Jordan Grace was difference because she has Down syndrome, but even when we tried to explain to her that she was different she kept asking how was she different, she couldn’t grasp that she looked different than anyone else, she had hair, she had eyes, she had arms, I mean she looked like us, she looked like a little girl to her. And when I tried to explain to her that people would see the difference even though she didn’t see it, she said “so what if she’s different” it really didn’t matter to this big girl who had been begging for a little sister in her life. 

Ana Maria has grown up in a very culturally mixed school, which has been such a blessing. The fact that it took her until she was in 4th grade to realize people had different skin colors, I mean, I don’t think she’s color blind, but rather innocent at heart to see any difference. Her very best friends and who she always wants to be around is this very friend we speak of here along with another sweet little lady who is Philippine, and another who is part East Indian. I love that about my precious girl, she bases love on a person’s heart, not where they come from or the color of their skin. 

I wish we could all be this innocent and pure at heart, I wish we were all color blind to people’s skin and I wish everyone was accepted and included no matter what they looked like. Maybe one sweet day...

Believing in magic

I have a precious 10 year old who still believes in all kinds of magic. She’s the kind of girl who believes in fairytales, who still looks forward to the magic of Santa Claus, who believes in the elf on the shelf, she loves magic shows, and learning tricks to share. She’s the kind of girl who believes all people are good and sometimes when things happen in this world, we have to remind her that bad people actually exist, her puzzled look and question is always “why” she can’t comprehend cruelty, tragedy and evil. 

Tonight she lost her 8th or so tooth. And so I’m always amazed of the beauty that she savors the process of losing a tooth, placing it under her pillow and waiting for the tooth fairy to leave her a surprise. But she also takes her time, tonight she said she wants to wait until we are back in Edmonton to place it under her pillow. 

I love that even in this day and age where kids her age are so advanced, that she can hold on to her childhood so passionately. I love that even though I came close to ruining it all for her years ago when we ended up at the wrong Mall, when we were meeting friends to take pictures with Santa, and then rushing over to the right Mall, that though she was very confused and surprised to see two different Santas she was able to continue to believe in the magic of the season. 

Tonight I’m reminded of the beauty that can still live in our hearts and project to the world around us. If we can hold on to magic and goodness, why can’t we spread it like wildfire? We can at least try. I’m proud that Ana María is my daughter, that she’s innocent and pure, that she believes in all things good and though this world is backwards and scary at times, that there is beauty in our world, and it lives in the heart and souls of our precious children. 

These lyrics are so powerful for me tonight...

“I still believe in Santa Claus, maybe that's just because I'm still
A child at heart,
And I still believe in old St. Nick, but then again maybe that's the
Trick we need, we need to retreat to a world of make believe.” I still believe in Santa Claus by NKOTB

New Year’s Day

I’m not a big New Year’s resolution kinda girl. I’m not into doing anything every single day. I don’t really like to commit to challenges all the way. I’m also not good at doing something specific each day. I’m more of a practical ‘I know what I’m capable of doing’ kinda gal. This year like every year, I will try to be more patient, have more peace in my life, be more content and happy with the cards we are dealt. I will declutter, like I do each year and though I signed up to this “challenge” I know I won’t follow it as closely as it says, it’s not that I don’t like following directions, it’s just that I’m more of a ‘go with the flow’ kinda girl. 

Some days the girls may require more attention or I may just want to call it a pj day. I’m not structured to follow things on a daily basis. I’m not sure I ever was, whether I may forget or whatever the reason, I simply know, acknowledge and accept that I’m just not made that way. Even when it comes to prayer, I sometimes forget to pray before a meal and the girls will remind me, or prayers at night with the busyness of the day, Greg may have to lead in prayer. It’s funny because prayer is natural to me, but that’s just who I am.

For better or for worse. It’s truly a miracle I have dinner ready for the family each night. 😂

Games for Special Needs

This summer, I came across this wonderful account on Instagram, ran by parents like us. Parents who have studied their children to learn what works best for them. 

Sound familiar? 

As parents we tend to live and breathe to help our children succeed. We think of things to create that may work for the way our children can better learn things. 

These parents get it! And because they are parents of a child with special needs they understand working hard to make something that will work for our children is worth all the time, swear and tears.

These games are created to help our children share their feelings, while having fun they can also learn to express themselves. Head on over to Games for Special Needs and back them today on their kickstarter link! 

Jordan Grace has a couple of their interactive games and we spend tons of time playing together! They are fun and engaging!

Click here to back them on Kickstarter

She gets mad too!

(Photo: Melissa Danielson )

This little lady has her moments. No, she's not always happy, she's not always sad or mad either. She's a regular 3 year old. In fact today at school, they told me she's a bit "naughty" like all the other kids in the classroom they said. 

I have to say I was shocked and it did bring me to tears. I'm not perfect in any way, I'm just a mom who wants her children to be loved and to be accepted. I was brought to tears because I want for Jordan Grace to be herself. However, she learns by watching, she imitates anything, ANYTHING, anyone does, good or bad, she does it! 

It's a blessing in some ways that she's great at imitating, but it's a curse when she imitates and gets caught doing things wrong. You see, she won't tell on anyone, but others tell on her. She fights her own fights and I need to let her do it. 

But today, I was emotional and mad, and needed to get my point across. Today, I observed a little girl take all of my daughter's materials away, I saw this little girl take advantage of my little girl and this mama bear was not a happy camper! My blood boiled. However, i said to the little girl as kindly as I could "you need to share." And then I told on her! Yes, I did!!! 

I called the teacher right over and I explained what I saw. I know I can't always be there to stand up for her, or to teach her what others are doing is wrong, but I also can't help my heart breaking when I see others disregard my precious one. 

I have the most faith in her! I know she will fight for what she wants, today, she chose to give the little girl all her materials and show kindness, another day she might have grabbed on to the cotton ball for dear life. This is my girl! This is the girl I'm proud of, the kind one, the fighter, the loving one, the sweet one, the determined one, the joyous one, the moody one, the one who brings us daily sunshine! I'm proud of all of her! 🌸

LIFE is Better With You

Lately I have been receiving a lot of private messages of beautiful mamas looking for advice and guidance. I am an not a professional, however I call myself a professional mama. Why? Because when I was pregnant a so called professional told me all the negative things about having a child with Down syndrome as if he had experienced it first hand. I just assumed he was right, that he knew what he was talking about. But, now I know, he had NO CLUE! 

He was wrong about pretty much everything, because my daughter CAN and DOES. The only thing I have no proof as of yet is: in his words "she will end up in an institution," I pray he's wrong about that, he tried to scare me and put that horrible fear in me. His main goal was termination of pregnancy. My main goal was a precious little baby to complete our family. 

However I could list all the things Jordan Grace could do, but it would take a million posts. What I can say for sure is that she has grown up like her big sister, I haven't done anything different except the given therapies. 

She is my teacher, and as her mother, I look for teachable moments and encourage her when she wants to do ANYTHING. That's right, I do not limit her, ever. I stand by her and help her. Life is better than I imagined. 

The only way someone can truly know what I mean is if they walk in our shoes, and becomes a professional mother of a child with special needs. We do get paid, with tons of joy, endless hugs and so much pure love. It truly is a secret society and I'm proud to be a part of it. Blessed beyond belief. 

This picture was taken seconds after she was born! We looked into each other's souls! We were instantly more in love than before! I'm truly blessed! 🌸

Impact

Sometimes things don't seem to affect me as much, but when it comes to my personal story and experiences, things such as words can bring me to my knees in pain. 

The other day a friend posted that she had heard of a couple who found out their child would be born with Ds and had an appointment scheduled to terminate their pregnancy. She asked us parents to chime in on what we would say to someone in the situation we were basically in however many years, months or days ago. 

The waterworks came immediately, I wasn't finished reading the post when my eyes were burning with tears. My heart sunk and my being went back to that deep dark hole I fell into more than three years ago. 

My "now" self wanted to tell my "then" self everything was going to be ok, that I shouldn't feel sad, mad or in horrible dispare, that this baby, this sweet girl was going to show me what her life was all about. I wanted to tell my "then" self that I was being melodramatic, that all those tears, all the yelling, all that being angry with God was literally not necessary, let alone a waste of precious time. 

But I had to stop myself and realize that I had to go through all those feelings and emotions, that only if I had known Jordan Grace herself, I could never be satisfied with knowing what it would be like to have a child with Down syndrome. Because anyone deserves to grieve the child they think they will have. The child that they perceive as their own perfect child. 

I still don't know what to tell my "then" self, the woman that suffers today with these news of diagnosis, or the ones who are yet to come. They call us the lucky few for a reason. I always say we live this amazing secret society, where only the ones who live it can understand, appreciate and rejoice in it. It's unlike anything else I've ever known, it's something that people can share with you but unless you dive in and swim in this pond of beauty, you may never know.

Because in the end, my child, our Jordan Grace, is truly better than who we expected her to be. I think it's safe, although sad to say, that I had very low expectations. Basing it from what the doctor lectured us, she would be incapable of being human I guess, he described someone who would be dependent, someone who needed help to do anything and everything. 

We all talk about it within our community, the way the news is delivered can make you or break you. It certainly broke me. I wasn't expecting to feel the way I did, to think that the hardest decision to make would be to continue on and live this life we were told was horrendous.