Thursday, January 26, 2017

"You are strong"


(This is seconds before I have to hand over my precious baby to the nurses at the Stollery, my heart is in a million pieces as hers is about to be fixed.  My eyes swollen, my nose red from all the crying, it's only the beginning and I'm about to be on my knees in fear of the unknown)

I am humbled every time I hear that phrase. I hear it from everyone, those who know me and strangers I speak to. I'm just wondering, why do people say that? Is it to make me feel better? To give me hope? Give me pride?
I'm not sure why I hear this when I share our story, but I do. Even back when I was pregnant I heard it all..."God only sends these special children to the strongest and most loving parents," "I couldn't imagine a better family for an angel like the one you will have."
I'm not sure that's true. I do however know that us "lucky few" are families who plan for normalcy, we plan for a simple life, we plan for an amazing future for our children.
When we were given a diagnosis of a heart defect and Down syndrome, we fell to our knees with despair, we could not imagine that future we longed for for our precious one.  Our dreams turned to darkness and uncertainty.
At my darkest hour, crying and weeping, asking God for a miracle, loved ones still called me strong. I kept thinking is there something I'm not seeing in myself?
Our gift from above will be three years old next month. It's hard to believe how fast she's growing. As soon as she was born she brought us so much joy, we learned that she truly was incredible and that her diagnosis was just that, a diagnosis.
She is so much more than we could have imagined, and she has made me a pretty incredibly strong mom/woman.
I would do anything and everything to protect her, to make sure she's included, loved and accepted. I have become her number one advocate.
This is not what we imagined our second child would be like, in fact it is much better than we could have ever dreamed. She is her one little person, she has feelings, she has the best personality, she's funny and loving, she's caring and daring. She is unique just like every other child in this world. I couldn't be more proud of her.

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